It's 12th night, and for the first time ever, I have to admit to being kind of glad it's all over. Usually I do feel sad after the decs go down, but this year I am breathing a sigh of relief and my shoulders are relaxing. We did it. We really did it. It went well and my little boys will remember it as being the Christmas of Scalextric and Skylanders, and little else. It was very subdued, very reflective, utterly exhausting and the stress was immense. For the first time without a newborn I found myself falling asleep regularly and repeatedly when I sat down, then staying awake until 2 or 3am worrying and over-thinking, but we did it.
It's sad that I wanted it over, it's sad that we didn't take the usual photo's, we didn't drink enough to get giggly, I didn't cry when I watched Miracle On 34th Street. I didn't send cards even though that has always been something I've taken very seriously - I didn't know what to write. It was Christmas, but it was missing so much.
|Christmas Morning 7am|
|Christmas morning 8.00am|
The New Year doesn't signify a new start for us, if only it really were that simple. We can't make promises to amend our behaviour or give up alcohol or chocolate and it'll all be good. We don't get a reset. This year there were too many gaps, and the gap will always and forever be there, but Christmas 2015 and New Year 2016 will be easier, and it will be okay.
|Midnight 31st December 2014|