Saturday, 20 December 2014

Monday, 15 December 2014

The LEGO Star Wars Advent Calendar Day 16

On the sixteenth day of Christmas LEGO Star Wars gave to me....

The LEGO Star Wars Advent Calendar Day 16

4 Months....

Today it's 4 months since we lost Elspeth. Last week I actually listed her name when we were talking about which children would be here on a certain day. We delicately put things in her room for storage and hope she won't mind. We try and choose Christmas presents and give up because we can only see things Elspeth would like.

Her inquest was due tomorrow, but has been deferred, so we have at least 2 more months before the Coroner will officially rule her death a suicide. 4 months is a long time, but it isn't nearly long enough, forever won't be long enough. She's here in our thoughts every hour of every day.

We're lucky, we have the 2 little boys who are at the peak of their Christmas magic. At 4 and 6 they both know Santa is real and are already bursting with excitement. Every fairy light and sparkle is viewed with wide eyes and giant grins. Although it's hard to join in with the excitement, and I just haven't felt that Christmas spark yet this year, I look at them and I know we have to do it, we have to make it great. I smile at their little perfect faces, and I know that 2 weeks at home watching movies on TV with their family and some Pringles and a tin of Cadbury Heroes would make it good enough, so I know we will be okay.