Ad | Why should parents take out life insurance?

Why should parents take out life insurance? 

As a parent, you’ll know what it's like to have your hands full. From hectic morning routines and busy bedtimes to schedules that are bursting at the seams and even juggling your career in the moments where you can catch your breath. It’s safe to say that being a parent leaves little time for life admin and all those other little jobs that should be at the top of your priorities. 

One of the most common tasks that parents inevitably avoid is organising a life insurance policy. Putting in place affordable life insurance cover can sound like a long-drawn-out process and the thought of searching for a quote and working your way through a myriad of health questions whilst your kids are squabbling in the background is enough to put any busy parent off inquiring about life cover. 

However, if you have children, life insurance is something that should never be put off. In this post, we’ll explore why parents should take out life insurance for the benefit of their dependents and their peace of mind! 

January 2023 #TBCSmiles... 101 Months

Happy New Year! I hope your Christmas was a good one and you had a decent break. If you had to work then thank you, I hope you get to have a proper break at another time. Keep your work/life balance evenly topped up. I promised my family I wouldn't work weekends since I've been spending half my time in Derby, so I'm a day late today with the #TBCSmiles, but it's worked out perfectly really, because today is 'Blue Monday'. 

Blue Monday didn't really exist as a thing when New Order wrote their song. That was named after Kurt Vonnegut's 1973 book 'Breakfast Of Champions or Goodbye Blue Monday' - a very unusual encyclopaedic story book about our world and the things in it. Likewise Blue Monday didn't exactly become a thing because of New Order's record-breaking record. Blue Monday is an invention of even more recent times - and unsurprisingly it was advertising which brought it to our attention (a fact I'm sure Kurt Vonnegut would enjoy). 

December 2022 #TBCSmiles 100 Months...

100 months is a milestone no-one wants to reach. 100 months since we lost Elspeth, and it still feels like yesterday and forever, all at once. Christmas is very hard for anyone who has lost someone who is important to them. 

December is a time when it's very hard to keep focus on what we have, because we are constantly reminded of that which is missing. Don't expect more than you are capable of, and that will vary by the day (by the minute). It's okay to look after your own health, to be kind to yourself, to take the time you need to be able to cope. We've had 3 rough years, and we're all exhausted and a bit COVID-battered from it. That battering, on top of normal life events, plus this Winter's specific problems, can leave anyone feeling overloaded without anything else. Know your own limits, and focus on what's really important. It's less than you think... 

#TBCSmiles... 96 Months... 8 Years.

 8 years ago today, we woke up to find that one of our teenage children hadn't survived the night. In the early hours of the morning she had taken her own life. I wrote about it at the time, here. 

After 8 years we know that today isn't likely to be as hard as you might fear. It's not a reminder of Elspeth, because there is nothing forgotten, and mentally we know this date is coming, so we can brace ourselves for it. This is a day we can at least take off the mask and any illusion of pretending to be fine, even if we aren't. 

Any day might be interrupted with a surprise memory, a badly chosen comment, a celebrity story, or a worry about someone you know, or don't. Any day can end badly just as it can end well, but each and every day is a mundane sort of grief, a new normal that you learn to live alongside. 

There are never quite enough people for dinner, or enough washing to go in the machine, and nowadays I cook mainly in silence standing alone, without Elspeth sitting at the kitchen table chatting. I usually love cooking, but sometimes I just can't bring myself to do it. 

Sorry about July's #TBCSmiles...

So there were no #TBCSmiles in July. My mother had died, and the funeral was on the 19th. I was exhausted and having a desperately needed few days at home with my family. They needed me to be there, even if just to ruffle their hair occasionally and feed them something including vegetables. I needed some normality and a break. 

Funerals are mainly organised by other people after talking to you, but they are still really stressful. It was forecast to be the actual hottest day ever, and with people travelling (mainly by train) from all over the country, any stress was doubled. We went down a day early, and avoided the midday. It was a mere 31 degrees in the shade at 7am...

June #TBCSmiles 94 Months

It's Summer! Well, it feels like it just now anyway, and the UK is promised a heatwave this weekend, which has given everyone something to talk about, even if some of us aren't as excited as others (I'm not built for hot weather!). It'll also mean lots of playing outdoors, getting together with friends and relatives, and hopefully a lot of smiles.

We've had a few bonfires, a trip to the cinema and a birthday, but mostly spent the last month continuing to sort and pack, take stuff to the tip and send it away with other people who want it or can use it. We never seem to get anywhere close to actually finishing! I guess a surprise move after 15 years and 7 kids really does mean you have no choice but to go through all of that stuff you have been putting off for far too long. 

For us it's meant the rediscovery of tons of treasure, and a million memories. Going through all of the kid's old toys takes you back in a way photographs never can. It doesn't give you a snapshot, it releases all of the stories and the moments. The times things went wrong, or right, the conversations and debates, birthdays and holidays. The daft things they said, pet names and misheard sentences. The precious reminders that make something costing pennies into something so valuable that you can never imagine letting it go.

April 2022 #TBCSmiles 92 Months...

Hello Spring! We waited a long time for it, but Easter brought with it excellent weather and a chance for everyone to play out. We had a visit from Grandparents who we haven't seen since last Summer - and it's only the second time we've been able to see them since COVID arrived, so it was incredibly welcome. 

This month has been a bit unexpected for us, as 2 weeks ago we were given 8 weeks notice to leave our house. We've been here almost 15 years, and with 7 children growing up with us, we have accumulated a lot of stuff, and a lot of memories. 8 weeks simply isn't long enough. 

The imminent move has overshadowed Easter and completely filled our time, but we still made some smiles, and we still had an Easter egg hunt, and we have spent hours and hours carefully placing memories in boxes... it's much harder because we love this house and don't wish to leave, and it's where one of our children was born, and where one of our children died.

Easter in itself is full of memories for everyone who has lost someone. Christmas might be the big event, but Easter always involves family and friends, and reminders of what used to be. It's been a hard couple of weeks, and I think that probably shows. We are all exhausted here, and that isn't about to get any easier. It is also the reason that this month the smiles are very late. I simply wasn't in a place to do any writing last week - my apologies to everyone who has been waiting for this post!

You guys have all had your cameras out, and it's been a real pleasure to look through all of the smiles today. I inadvertently took photos up until today, so there may be a couple that really should be in next month, and snuck in. I'm not going to go back through them, I'll just accept that and keep moving forward. I'm only human... 

Here are just 9 of the biggest smiles you guys have shared over the past month (and 4 days) by using the #tbcsmiles hashtag on Instagram. The whole collection is well over 8,000 photos now, each one with an infectious grin, a chuckle or a wry smile, but all have a little joy to brighten your day. 

Anyone is welcome to join in with the smiles, you don't need a fancy camera or Instagram perfect house, as long as someone is smiling, that's all we need. After all is said and done, happiness is everything. 

These smiles were shared by the following Instagrammers: 

OddHogg / PaigeWallbankxo / OurLittleEscapades

GirlyBones78 / BeautiesAndTheBibs / TheStrawberryFountain

SuburbanMum / Haylee_Louise_ / MrsShilts

My family made our own smiles, we really did, but I didn't bring out my camera much. We had a 12th birthday and our kitten Sonja to make us grin, so unsurprisingly star of this month's collection is my youngest son - who smiled through his entire birthday, even when he didn't win at bowling... even when life tests you, the smiles are always there if you look.

COVID-19 Coronavirus UK and World News Weekend Update 18th / 19th September 2021

COVID-19 Coronavirus UK and World News Weekend Update 18th / 19th September 2021

UK Daily Statistics:
Cases: 7.429,746 (+29,612)
Losses of Life: 135,203 (+56)
Tests: 1,059,522
Vaccinations 1st Dose: 48,573,881 (89.4% of UK aged 16+)
Vaccinations Fully Vaxxed: 44,428,209 (81.7%)

Rep. Of Ireland: 374,143 cases and 5,179 losses of life. (Not yet reported today.)

World: 229,144,868 ( +235,770 since midnight GMT ) reported cases and 4,703,212 (+4,002) losses of life (added numbers are not a full 24 hours' reports). 

Good news for everyone who has had the Moderna vaccine, including around 1 million people in the UK. A CDC study has found it is most effective at preventing hospitalisation, and after 3 months, that gap is even wider.
Overall from March 11th to August 15th (while the USA had mainly Alpha then Delta Variants), Moderna was 93% effective at preventing hospitalisation, Pfizer 88% and Johnson and Johnson 71% (in US adults without compromised immune systems).
After 120 days, Moderna was 92% effective at preventing hospitalisation, and Pfizer 77%. (Johnson and Johnson only has data to 28 days, which was 68% - they don't have enough people past 120 days to give a reliable figure).
This could become Dolly Parton's biggest hit yet. 

2,557 Days...84 Months... 7 Years...

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends..."

Our 11 year old left Primary school last month, and Facebook showed me a memory to remind me of the day he left nursery, which was 18th July 2014. It's one of the most painful images I have. My innocent littlest baby, full of promise and joy at the world, and delighted with his "Goodbye" bag of goodies. It hurts so much because it's "before", and less than a month later, his sister was dead, and we were a family full of broken people. His life wouldn't ever be so innocent again.

Books For Bereaved Younger Children - It's Okay To Feel Happy (Sent for review).

It's Okay To Feel Happy and I Want To Hug Mummy are books which have been written especially to support younger children who have been bereaved, and I have been sent them for review by Troubadour Press.

The author, David Peart, is a widowed Dad, and he writes from the heart, with a gentle bluntness and honesty which can be especially useful for younger children. 

It's Okay To Feel Happy talks about the feeling you get in your tummy, when you do something, but then you are crippled by confused emotions because it feels so wrong to be happy. Survivor guilt isn't just for grown ups.

Pride, joy, excitement, fun, achievement. They are all clouded by grief, and it can be incredibly hard, especially at first, to allow them out. 

#TBCSmiles 2,192 Days... 72 Months.... 6 Years...

 COVID-19 has filled my life for the past 7 months. I'm not even sure how much time normal people spend thinking about it, what experience most people have, because I'm so involved in grabbing new information and reporting it. It's my special interest, and I'd be fascinated anyway, so writing about it was a natural reaction. 

In fact, I'm at relative peace with the whole COVID thing. So much so that a reader of my COVID posts, and also a friend, asked if she could send me a personalised bracelet  (£1 from every sale goes to MIND) because she had the perfect word for me. She chose CALM. I suppose I am. Mostly*. 

I've always been well aware we are just animals living on a bit of rock, and as powerful as we think we are, nature will always be bigger than all of us. I guess that helps, but it's the fact we are pre-disastered that probably really makes the difference.  

The Empty Chair...

This Christmas dinner, like the 5 before it, we will have an empty chair at our table. It's a chair that shouldn't be empty. A chair where there should be laughter, and smiles.

The empty chair is more important than anything else in the room. It represents the space in our lives, the hole we all navigate around every day. It can't be ignored, and as we go through our Christmas preparations, we plan and we buy, decorate and bake, the empty chair becomes more important.

At first it is quiet, sitting, watching. You catch it out of the corner of your eye, and you remember everything you try so hard to put to one side.

The chair gets bigger and more unavoidable as December progresses, until that innocuous piece of furniture is the loudest thing in the house. It becomes the only thing you can see when you look into the room.

Life goes on.... World Suicide Prevention Day 2019 #WSPD

Today I got up and had a wash, got dressed and made a brew. I checked my two boys were dressed and were at least thinking about having breakfast.
I had the radio on, Radio X with Toby Tarrant because Chris Moyles is on holiday again. It was one of those mornings you end up running up and down stairs loads of times because you've forgotten something, and when you get there you can't remember what it was, so you go back down and instantly remember.
I made the kids sandwiches (we've only got cheese, so no choices today) and packed their lunchboxes into their bags. Then a moment's peace. I sat down for 20 minutes with Facebook, coffee and a slice of toast.
Time for school. We spent a good 5 minutes trying to get everyone out of the door with the correct footwear, coat and bags, and then had to turn back for a forgotten pair of glasses when we were 200 yards up the road. Dropped the kids off, came home, fed the pets.

It was entirely mundane.

Not 21....

At 21 I imagined Elspeth to be in her 2nd or 3rd year of uni. She wouldn't have cut her hair short, and she wouldn't ever have been a person who wears loads of make up. She'd have learned to embrace her quirks a little more and found friends who loved her enough to get past her tantrums. She would still know more about Kanye West than his Mum and she'd still be the funniest person in the building whenever she chose to be.

At 21 she would love the freedom adulthood brings, she'd craved it for so long, but she'd also be a tiny bit terrified of the world and would need reassurance she was doing okay. By now she'd be more confident with the women she was, hopefully accepting her curves and not already spending her life on the eternal 'diet' we women come to accept and expect. She'd be an okay cook, and she'd live mainly on 3 different recipes, and cake. She loved cake. She inherited her father's love of sweeties too.

Children's Mental Health Week 2019 - and Education

Ironic really that it's during Children's Mental Health Week that I get called into school to discuss one of my children's attendance. This is a first for me. Up until 5 years ago I was the one with 100% attendance certificates all over my fridge and mantlepiece. I'm not unduly concerned, he's had a rough trot lately with several stomach bugs and it took about 6 weeks to clear the flu from his system. He's been ill. Hopefully that's our turn at everything done and we can have an easier time for the rest of the year.

My son has also just had a stressful time for other reasons than flu and associated headaches and vision problems. Over Christmas he saw his Dad rushed off to hospital again, this time with the flu, and he knows I have to have another hernia operation. In his world people he loves do really die, suddenly and forever. The last of his big siblings moved out in September and that's a really big change to our household. It's something that our doctor was concerned about for my partner and I, so it has to be a concern for the younger two as well.

My son has already had to live through far more trauma than most adults. Some days I look at our household and realise it's actually a miracle he ever attends school at all. I have always been quite strict with my kids about going to school, but I know I am slightly softer on the young ones than I ever was with their siblings. If in future they feel they can't cope with anything and can't even say exactly why, I wouldn't ever ignore it - but don't tell them that, they'll get ideas.

December.... 52 Months... #TBCSmiles

Christmas is almost here and 5 years in we are getting used to our new sort of Christmas. Some things change in more ways than others. I have a real problem looking ahead and I only started buying presents two days ago, but we're doing it. It'll happen. We're further ahead than this time last year.

We knew doing decorations would be hard and started at the beginning of December, so our living room now looks amazing and we have a huge LEGO Winter Village. When the tree is up it'll be perfect, and it's first time we've felt able to really go to town with the decorations since losing Elspeth.

She is constantly in our thoughts anyway, but now more than ever because she loved Christmas so much. She looked forward to it for months and every Christmas song on the radio or Christmas movie on the TV reminds us of her, and the fact she isn't here. Every gift idea seems it would have suited Elspeth best. In honesty we've kept ourselves busy to stay distracted...

December may be hard, but we've still managed to collect plenty of smiles and I've caught a few of them on camera. We've been to see Father Christmas, Black Beauty, Slapstick and The Forest Of Forgotten Disco's and we've definitely discovered the benefit of woolly hats....

Why we should talk about suicide #WorldSuicidePreventionDay

In the UK today, if you are aged 5-34 you are more likely to die from suicide than anything else. It is the biggest killer of our younger population. Just think about that for a minute. More people die by their own hand than for any other reason. It takes away our children, our parents, our siblings, our friends.

But we don't talk about suicide. No-one talks about suicide.

It's really hard to talk about suicide. It's really hard for me to write about suicide.

When our 16 year old died all of the older members of our family had counselling. We'd have been completely lost without that opportunity to talk. To sit away from the children and let it out and sob and be angry and say "it's not fair". To express our worries and fears, to find out if what we felt was 'normal'. To find out if our children's response was 'normal'. To keep us going.

My youngest 2 children were under 7 when they lost their sister and deemed too young for counselling. Children under 7 react differently and in general it's expected they should be able to cope. While that might work in some cases, our whole household was shattered and those young boys had a lot to try and understand.

As time went on and my boys still struggled with their sister's death, we were dumbfounded at how to help them. I built myself up and then emailed a UK charity for children who are bereaved.

I was given internet addresses where I could download information sheets and signposted to another well-known children's charity. The information sheets were more for advice immediately following a loss and didn't really help. They focussed on Cancer and long-term illness. I contacted charity no.2.

Children's charity no.2 simply suggested that what I needed was someone who was actually more used to dealing with our specific type of loss. They directed me to a charity for people who have lost loved ones to suicide. Maybe they were right. Maybe it wasn't children's charities I needed.

48 Months, 208 Weeks, 1461 Days. 4 years.

It's been 4 years since we lost Elspeth.

If you have a 4 year old, all that time they've been alive, she's been gone. While they learned to walk and talk, make friends and use a crayon, she's not gone any further. It's such a long time and she should have done so much, but she didn't give any of it a chance.

Our kids have grown. Our big kids are all grown adults now. Work and thoughts of Uni are filling their heads and it's so hard not to be seeing Elspeth off for her 3rd year. She should be going. She should be getting wasted and staying up all night to finish assessments. Living on 17p noodles and bringing all of her washing home, and expecting me to do it (which I do, because I'm soft).

She should be playing board games with her little brothers, she loved to play and they're both old enough now to play proper games. She should be watching her favourite movies with them, and they should still be happy to belt out songs from Les Miserables.

What I really want to say is that it's all just a bit shit. It's really crappy and unfair. We should have her with us, but because at the moment she decided she'd had enough, no-one happened to ring or send her a message, or knock on her bedroom door, she's not here.

It could be you... #MHAW2018

This post is for Mental Health Awareness Week 2018 and carries trigger warnings.

For most of my life Mental Health was something I felt affected other people. Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of sobbing into my pillow, not wanting to leave the house, drinking a few too many because it made my reality further away. My life has not been plain sailing, but in general I seemed to skim round all the sinkholes and emerge relatively unscathed.

As a teenager I was a volunteer for MIND, spending my evenings playing pool and smiling yet again at photos of a stranger's family and great times, carried around as precious treasure. A reminder that life can be good, and a reason to carry on. I learned quite quickly about some of the realities of poor mental health.

Children's Mental Health - what we really need #ChildrensMHW2018

It's easy for me to feel bitter and angry about the state of Children's Mental Health services in this country at the moment. I have every reason to believe it's a failing system that is understaffed, underfunded and consequently takes a long time to access and for any action to be implemented.

Last October the Care Quality Commission published a phase one report on children's mental health services. The full review and recommendations will be published next month. They've already found that because many different agencies can be involved, access to CAMHS and other services can be difficult and incredibly time-consuming. I could have told you that. So probably could anyone who has ever wanted to access CAMHS services.

Over the past 4 years we've learned far more about children's mental health services than we ever would have believed. Our family has been given an immense amount of help, for which I am eternally grateful. We had extreme circumstances and jumped to the top of the queues at first, and in the subsequent months we've had to wait patiently with everyone else and at times watch our young people deteriorate, completely impotent and unable to pull them out by ourselves. We've seen the holes in the service, the lack of knowledge-sharing, the time-pressure, the wrangling for financing from different departments in order to make things happen, and the waiting for red tape and meetings to sign off plans and be able to move forward.

I cannot fault any of the professionals we've met. I don't have a bad word to say about any of them because they were every bit as frustrated as we were. Their job often seems more about admin and knowing who to speak to than it is about clinical care and spending time with the people who need it.