Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Ten months after....

I'm a little late with my smiles this month. It should have been yesterday, but I had my staples from my operation out yesterday and I was feeling a bit sore and sorry for myself, and we had to watch the finale of Game Of Thrones, so it had to wait.

Game Of Thrones was one of Elspeth's things. It was something she shared with her Dad, and when this series was about to begin I watched as much catch up as I could so that he could watch it with me instead of alone. I'm a poor substitute, I don't get as excited or enthusiastic as Elspeth used to, but I have obviously become immersed enough as I find myself shouting at the TV at all the right bits...I don't think I'll ever actually learn who is related to who else though...

This last month has mainly been eaten up by my being ill. I was very poorly after my 2nd date for the operation was cancelled, and lost several days due to dehydration. When I eventually had my operation it was far more serious than had been suspected, my hernia REALLY was as bad as it looked, so my family are having to rally round and do everything at home while I recover. The hospital wanted to keep me in for a few days, which proved to be incredibly hard on everyone. My family were relieved I was awake and 'fixed' and just wanted me where they could see me. No-one voiced any fears aloud, but they were there to see in the bitten top lips and wide eyes, and so I got permission to recover at home in my own bed instead. I have never had so many visitors peeping at me while I slept, each one of them very welcome, and as comforting to me as it was for them. Recovery is going well so far, and I am still on track for attending Britmums this coming weekend - although I may need to nip off and have a sleep at some point!

It is Britmums Live this weekend, and what has to be the most bittersweet event in my life. I have been asked to read Dear Elspeth during the Bloggers Keynote. I'm incredibly proud that one of my posts has been chosen, but so terribly sad that I ever had to write it. Seeing The Brick Castle logo up there on the big screen, and reading my own words in front of an audience of my peers so huge, is such an amazing achievement and should only fill me with pride. Instead it is equally full of sadness of a depth that I hope very few of you ever know.

When I wrote I wanted to tell Elspeth's story, I wanted people to know she'd been a happy and integral part of our life. Witty and clever and participatory, loving her siblings and rarely showing how weighted down she felt.  I know that many people have read that post and then gone and found the help and support they need, and so I am prepared to share it with as many people as possible. Elspeth was proud of my blogging. She blogged, she read my blog and commented. I will be reading Dear Elspeth for her, and for all of the people I have heard from since I wrote that post.  I will do my very best, and if I falter then Pippa will take over from me. She knew Elspeth, she met her many times, she is an excellent stand-in.

In spite of the Hernia fiasco, we did manage a few smiles this month....especially from our youngest two..


And we had a birthday, and a sports day.....wild ginger haired children are very easy to spot!


And an achievement of sorts during the school holidays - my two young lads beat the final boss Kaos on Skylanders Trap Team. This is something that's made them semi-legendary at school, and personally I can stop feeling guilty that we had a Kaos trap and no-one else could get hold of one....



13 comments:

  1. She would be so very proud x

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  2. I hope you feel better soon and you make a speedy recovery...
    Your daughter would have been so proud of you!
    It looks like a lovely month....

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  3. Sorry I won't be at Britmums to hear you read your incredibly moving post. I have been following you since I lost

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  4. Sorry hit publish too early! Since I lost my baby girl in December. You are truly inspiring xxx

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  5. Thinking especially of Elspeth's birth mum who must ache with hurt.

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    1. I'm sure Elspeth's birth mother is suffering very much, especially as she had not seen Elspeth for a long time before she was lost. However it will never be appropriate to talk about her on my blog, and any further mentions will be deleted.

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  6. Yes, i have thinking of elspeth's mum and wondering how on earth she must be feeling when she reads this.

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    1. I would have hoped that if she read this then knowing Elspeth was loved and cared for so much, and will never for an instant be forgotten, would be of some comfort to her.

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  7. Elspeth would be so proud of you Jenny, of all of you. I hope BM's goes well, I will be thinking of you.

    Well done to your boys on their Skylanders 'achievement' - I won't tell Little Mr A, he has been after a Kaos trap for ages but we can't get one!

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  8. I am so sorry you had to write that post, I feel for you every day and at BritMums I, along with so many others, will be right there with you. Lots of love x

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  9. Your children and their wild ginger hair are just beautiful. I think bittersweet is the word for your post; by reading your blog, I can easily see how wonderful your family is, and Elspeth would be amazingly proud of all you.

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  10. Aww hon. I am so proud of you and will be with you in spirit. I love your kids hair, they are so cute. Love of love to you all x

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