Saturday, 30 March 2019

3 Years With Gary The Cat - and still not a crazy cat lady!

Astoundingly it's been 3 years since we won the world's most expensive free cat. Well, 3 years and 2 months, I'm a bit late on this post. I'm all over this cat thing now though. Ask me anything about cats and I can make up an answer that sounds plausible.


I know people on the internet like cats, so you may not have heard of Gary before, you might just have clicked on because there was a cat picture. Here's Gary's backstory and it's really because of the internet that he's here. He also wouldn't be here if he hadn't turned up at the home of someone who is ridiculously soft, and despite a previous loathing of cats, took him in.

Without the internet we wouldn't have known that there was a cure (scalpel) for Gary's sensitive genetic ailment (very very tiny penis) and it would have been curtains. Since his operation Gary's health has been brilliant and he can pee whenever he wants, thankfully usually outside or occasionally still in the bath. Annoyingly he's stopped going to the toilet in the toilet, although it was always a bit disturbing to walk in on him - especially if he was reading the paper.



Gary still feels he owes us for saving him and maintains his vow to protect us from all danger. As yet we haven't been attacked by lions or indeed any other predator, so he's an excellent guardian. He still stands by the bathroom door whenever I'm in there, but his usual sentry spot is under a hedge in the garden. In Summer he's invisible amongst the leaves. Gary's a cat and isn't aware of seasons, so in Winter to protect his feelings we pretend we still can't see him.


When I first took Gary in, I was under the misguided illusion that cats only lived for about 5 years. It turns out they can live for ages, especially if they are an indoor cat. I think going outside cats only reach 20 if you can successfully teach them the Green Cross Code.

Although Gary does now go outside regularly, it still scares him and sometimes he needs a hide under a bed to get over it. Lions probably. Mainly Gary goes out for about 90 minutes each time. I'm not sure what he does when he isn't standing under the hedge, but football is very popular around here. If he's courting then at some point someone is going to be disappointed.


I have learnt repeatedly for the past couple of years that cats are ready with a surprise strike at any moment. They lie in wait in plain sight, usually across the 6th step up or straddling the entire hallway, and mostly at night or when you are carrying something big. That telltale soft, warm smushy feeling when you put down your foot pretty much guarantees you're about to attempt an unexpected double-jump, in an effort to avoid crushing him. You'll strain at least 3 groin muscles and the cat will maybe stretch a bit if he can be bothered. Cats really need those 9 lives.

If you don't amuse them often enough then cats will change tactic and sneak up behind you. Cats aim for the head and are permanently overly-confident about their own jumping abilities. Always sit with your back to the wall because they're quite heavy when they're hanging from your skin by 3 claws and it's better not to offer such a large, unguarded target.


Gary has an Achilles heel which I imagine it's true of all cats. He does love that magical herb, Catnip, but he really cannot resist his cat snacks. He's got a favourite brand and he recognises the sound of the packet being opened. It's hellish when someone opens something else that sounds similar. It takes 0.3 seconds, roughly, for Gary to reach the packet from any location in the world, as long as there aren't any closed doors or other impassable objects. It's great when you want him to come in at night.


I can see just how much my youngest especially loves Gary and likes nothing better than harassing him for an hour or two sitting with him on his lap. I can see how much Gary loves us too. He spends time sleeping on everyone's bed every evening, and when my youngest has a bad dream, Gary will go and sleep in the hall by his bedroom door. Ready and able to keep the night time monsters away...


I admit defeat. I get why people like cats now. I understand how it works and I can barely remember a time when I didn't have a cardboard box bed at the end of my bed, or was allowed to lay in past 7.30am on a Sunday without having to go downstairs and open the back door to let him out for a pee.

I'm still not becoming a crazy cat lady though. 3 years and we still only have 1 cat. I think that's proof enough...


If you like cats or animals called Gary then you might like my other Gary the cat posts: 

Gary The Cat Review
How I Came To Love Gary The Cat (Sponsored post)
My Year With Gary
Happy Garyversary 2 Years
My Pet Story (Sponsored post)


Gary is a rescued pet. He was quite insistent we rescued him and despite all attempts we were unable to find his previous owner. All of our pets are rescued. If you are considering sharing your home with an animal, please consider rescuing one who needs a home.
P.S. Gary does not read. At least not when I've been there, you can never be 100% sure. 

18 comments:

  1. Gary Day should be a national holiday, it's still my favourite ever day on the intrrnet!

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    1. I totally agree it should be a holiday, sign me up! I'm so pleased that you had such a great day there. I certainly won't forget it myself in a hurry :D

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  2. I didn't know his back story involved a teeny tiny weenie....I think I love him even more now. The sleeping by the door when your son has nightmares is very true. Our Ginger knows when one of us is ill- it's the only time she'll really snuggle up. Or stand guard on the bedside table. I'd let Gary be her boyfriend!

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    1. Awwww, that's very sweet. You'd know there was no danger of unexpected tiny footsteps too! :D Poor Gary - I hope he isn't embarrassed his secret is public :D

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  3. Oh Jenny, he is SO cute! I can't believe it's been three years already x

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    1. He's moderately cute I think. For a cat :D I can't believe it's been 3 years - I'd have said 1 at the most if I wasn't recording it all!

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  4. This has made me laugh out loud! Bit unfortunate given that I’m in Sasha’s room trying to get her off to sleep πŸ˜„ I’m so glad the whole Gary thing worked out. Cats are so clever; he knew what he was doing when he picked you 😁 x

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    1. :D Hahaha I'm glad it made you laugh! Sorry Sasha! He really knew what he was doing - more than we did for definite! :D

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  5. As usual Jen, I'm in fits of giggles reading your life with Gary since he chose you as his new human slave and nodding knowingly at your self delusional thoughts about being a crazy cat lady. Great post. Ear ruffle for Gary πŸ’œ

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    1. :D Glad it made you laugh. It really still is the most unlikely thing that I'd have a cat. Never a crazy cat lady though, never!! I refuse :D

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  6. Has it really been more than three years? I remember when Gary came into your life like it was yesterday. Thanks for giving me a proper giggle this Sunday Morning, I so love Gary updates :)

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    1. As I wrote, I imagined at least one Mum having a lazy Mother's Day morning and a laugh, so my job here is done. Thank YOU, but bloody hell, 3 years already!! :D

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  7. I need to to thank you for this good read!! I certainly enjoyed every bit of it.

    I have got you saved as a favorite to check out new stuff you post…

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  8. Aww I love this update. Gary the cat is just the best. I can't believe it's been three years though. Although it must be about the same time I got Twilight as we've had her three years in June xx

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  9. Jenny you have a fine way with words! Sadly we had to have our elderly lady put to sleep at the end of January and now is not the right time to get another so I have loved this cat "fix".

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    1. Thank you! I hope :D
      I'm sorry you lost your cat, but glad she was able to enjoy a long life with you. That is the bit I'm not looking forward to, especially when I tell the kids 1 cat was far more than I ever anticipated living with!

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  10. Happy Garyversary! It’s been fab learning Gary is still living with you and how much he’s enjoying his new forever family. He’s certainly a much loved cat 🐈

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    1. He really did land on his feet I reckon. He's very much loved and I'm pretty sure he does'nt only stay for the food :D

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