Wednesday, 15 April 2015

8 Months After Losing Elspeth

I've taken some time off over the last few weeks to play with (wrangle and umpire) the kids, and enjoy Easter as much as was possible, and also because we had Elspeth's Inquest, and coming back to the laptop has proven harder than I suspected it would.

We knew the Inquest wouldn't be a picnic day out for the family, and I was expecting re-hearing details and statements would be hard. As it turns out it's finding out the things you didn't already know that is hardest. It gives you more to mull over, more to consider, more ways to feel you should have protected her more. More chance to remember those comments she made and wonder if you didn't take them seriously enough. More sad.


What was also really hard was knowing Elspeth would have hated the Inquest. She'd have hated everyone talking about her and prying into her world. It felt so intrusive and rude. Elspeth wanted to be allowed privacy when she was alive, and we gave it to her wherever we could, so reading her private letters, messages and conversations now feels like betrayal. Reading her diary is just plain wrong. What kind of parent does that?

Today is also the day that we were finally given back Elspeth's belongings which the Police took on the morning she died. We didn't really know even what they had, we had signed the release form, but it was all a blur that day.  It's been very strange thinking that the Police had her diary and notebook all of this time, her computer and phone, her things. Searching for a 'why?'.

Easter was nice. We made up treasure hunt clues for all of the children and sent them off around the house finding their egg and some chocolate lollipops shaped like rabbits. I'm not sure exactly when The Easter Bunny arrived in the UK, but it seems it was sometime between our older children being small and 2010, because after the hunt our 6 year old asked when we'd have the real egg hunt. Never mind that we'd just spent 2 hours crafting word searches, puzzles and 3-2-1 style clues in an array of difficulties suitable for young people aged 5-21, what he actually wanted was for me to stand by the back door and lob a handful of foil-wrapped not-quite-chocolate eggs onto the grass like last year. Sheesh....

Here are some smiles I've collected this month...including lots of dressing up!  Plenty from our youngest family member who had his 5th birthday and celebrated in style with a trip to the Legoland Discovery Centre and the Sea Life Centre, and a Minion-themed birthday party, and the costumes for this Saturday's DC Comics and Toys R Us 'World Record for the most people dressed as DC Comics Superheroes in the world at one time' attempt.....should be a laugh and anyone can join in (details are here).

Sealife centre and lego discovery centre manchester

Happy 5th birthday to the youngest The Brick Castle family member

Warburtons I Love BLTN t shirt

Tous R Us DC Superheroes world record event costumes

20 comments:

  1. I'm not even sure what to say, this has been such a difficult time for your family. I can only imagine the pain of the inquest, how hard that must have been, and for the police to have her belongings and the search for why. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you Catherine, hugs are always welcome x

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  2. I do so love seeing your collections of smiles x x x

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    1. Me too. They serve a real multi-purpose :) Thanks Colette xx

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  3. Lovely smiles. I hope that the inquest being over does allow you some closure and that you can start to find the 'new normal' I so wish you didn't have to xxx

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    1. Cheers Pippa. It's been such a mess for so long I wonder if you can even remember when I was just 'me' - thank you for always being there xx

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  4. My heart goes out to you! I too have angels in Heaven. It doesn't seem right that we are here and they are there. It has been over 9 years since I buried my babies and it still hurts :( Hold on in there.

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    1. I'm really , truly very sorry about your babies Tracy x I think it will hurt forever, but I hope that it is easier for you in some ways at least with the passing of time. Thank you for being such a star and helping me for so long when my blog was broken the other day. You take care xx

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  5. I'm glad there have been some smiles and I truly hope that now the inquest is over you can all find some sort of way to carry on. I'm not the best at checking in with you, but you are always in my thoughts. I cannot begin to know the pain you have all endured and will continue to, but Elspeth will be remembered by so many people and her smile will never fade xx

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    1. You check in often enough that I know you are there, thank you xx

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  6. Glad you have come back to your blog, though I'm sure it must have been difficult for you. Still in all our thoughts x

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    1. It is at times, but it's also cathartic and puts my head straight. Thank you for your lovely comments Steph xx

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  7. Big hugs!
    I love the super hero outfits! look great!

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    1. Thanks Eileen! They do look fantastic don't they? It should be a great day on Saturday xx

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  8. I love all the smiles, it's amazing how children can always find something to smile about, even in tough times. Looks like a lovely birthday. X

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    1. It was a lovely birthday, he was very happy. The smils are what makes the effort worthwhile. Thank you for your comment Stacey x

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  9. Oh bless him waiting for his real egg hunt. Did you throw lots of chocolate into the garden?

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    1. Not yet - we've promised that the Easter Bunny probably knows we haven't had all of the kids here together during the day in the last 2 weeks, so maybe on a day that they aren't all busy he'll make his appearance ;) xx

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  10. Big hugs lovely. Glad you had a lovely Easter today and such beautiful photos x

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    1. Thanks Susan, you're a big support for me. I did capture some great smiles this month, especially from my youngest I think :) xx

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