Wednesday 20 April 2016

The perils of living with an amateur mountaineer (aged 6).

My youngest child is a climber. It wasn't a complete shock to me, his older sister was a climber too and had fallen off the dining room table and split her head open by the time she was 12 months. Her 2nd glue-job was when she was still under 4. Thankfully so far those are the only trips to hospital with small people who have fallen, however that is some sort of miracle.

Aged around 18 months she climbed barefoot to the top of our 8 foot tall wooden garden fence. Sadly no adult is able to climb up a fence like that, and I actually had to leave her up there and run into my house , go all the way upstairs to fetch a stepladder and not trip up on the way back to get her down. She thought it was hilarious, she could see the neighbour's dog and she liked dogs. And cats....(I don't have a picture of a dog and I've heard cats attack you in the night if they think you are the enemy).


We knew our youngest was inquisitive, and more than a bit lively, from very early on. A walker by 11 months, he had already learned how to undo stairgates by twisting the two bottom supports until they were loose, and then just pushing the gate to crawl under it. It was no coincidence the gate at the top of the stairs was screwed completely to the wall.

Like his sister 9 years before him, he was in a bed before 18 months after climbing out of his cot, and he loved fruit so much he once went to very impressive lengths to get to the fruit bowl, which I thought I'd cleverly stashed on top of the Fridge. Sadly we didn't yet have our American style fridge freezer (sheesh, the state of me there!), because maybe that would have been tall enough. A regular fridge freezer though posed merely a challenge, and using a bench, dining table and a set of wooden shelves he managed to reach the top of his mountain in the space of time it took for me to casually follow him into the kitchen. My toddler sitting on top of the fridge freezer eating apples wasn't really what I expected to find.


He was 6 last month, so we've had over 5 years of this. My house went from child-proofed to trashed pretty swiftly. He has climbed on pretty much everything we have to offer, and my living room furniture is a state. I dream of the day I get some gorgeous new sofas to replace these tired, ripped old ones. It will happen, I can see that day. NO-ONE will ever be allowed to place a foot on them, and there will be no sitting on the arms or the back.

And so we reach the present. Yes, my dear sweet little baby boy has scored a real blinder this week. I was called over to talk to the teacher after school, to discuss the fact that during playtime he went to the boy's loo, climbed on the toilet cistern, pushed up the suspended ceiling tiles and tried to climb up. He was discovered swinging from a gap in the ceiling.

We have talked to him about risk assessment before. He's not very good at spotting all of the dangers. During the obligatory 30 minute lecture in the kitchen later he told us it was completely safe, there was no risk, and he zoned out. So I had to give him a lollipop and tell him the awful tale of the uncle who cracked his head on a hearth, which is made from the same stuff as a toilet lid, and make it really enthusiastic and exaggerated until he was back with the matter in hand. His attention span doesn't usually stretch to 30 minutes unaided...


Instead we have had to make a rule. A rule that gets very stern punishment, like 3 whole days of no Minecraft. Our latest rule is:

You are only allowed to climb once you have had the proper training and have obtained a permit, and the landholders permission.

As an addition clause (thanks to a friend of mine who works as a School Head and doesn't mess about)...

If you wouldn't see an adult or a teacher climbing there you should assume it is not allowed.

Hopefully we've covered that one and we just have to wait for what comes next. When the Ninja or James Bond equivalent of Hogwarts opens that I can sign him up for - I will be sending an owl immediately....I'd have to write a lot more paid for posts like this one to afford the fees, but it'd be worth it...



17 comments:

  1. This has made me smile, as mine was never a climber, but I can imagine the trouble he could have got into if he was! Just as long as your boy doesn't decide he can follow Gary the cat, you might be able to avoid any more trips into see the teacher.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh crikey, can you imagine? Gary is thankfully a tiny cat and doesn't climb or leap very much at all!!

      Delete
  2. Awww love, as you well know, I am sat here laughing away reading this post! He is a little superstar I tell you! I am also imaging you there trying to reach a child on an 8 foot fence... this image is clearly making me laugh even more! hahahahahah!! Sim xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. I couldn't even reach her feet!! Even if I'd been a foot taller I'd probably have had to get something to climb on :D

      Delete
  3. Sone was the same, scaled a 12 foot chicken wire around the school playground at 4.5 and led his 18 month old sisters in an ascent of the 8ft book cases when he was 3.5...he now goes to climbing club at an indoor wall so at least he has technique and can fall appropriately....resistance is futile with a climber!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know he's been told off for climbing the school playground fence, not to the top though! But thank heavens he's the youngest and hopefully can't lead anyone here astray! I think we have to organise him something more than playing on climbing frames to satisfy his desire - learning to fall correctly is an incredibly valuable skill! :)

      Delete
    2. You could try taking him climbing- my oldest loves his weekly trip to the climbing wall, and is at least a bit more cautious without a rope and helmet these days. If you are near Manchester, why not try the Clip n Climb at
      http://www.skyhighadventure.com/clip-n-climb-2/

      Delete
    3. Thank you for that! That looks pretty awesome and I think he'd love it - and it's only about half an hour away in good traffic :)

      Delete
  4. My daughter soon mastered climbing the sofa and when I thought I had put a diffuser up high enough from little fingers I found her trying to drink it. Sobbing on the phone to NHS Direct feeling like the worst mother in the world but told unless my girl starts vomiting and acting like the girl from The Exorcist then she'll will be fine. She smelt lovely for a few days!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh! hahaha I bet it smelt lovely but tasted disgusting! Why will kids eat or drink anything except sensible food :D

      Delete
  5. There are plenty of climbing centres dotted around the country, most have kids clubs and follow the NICAS scheme. Some take children as young as 5 years old. Get him signed up for one - apart from teaching good climbing (and falling) techniques it's a great way to stay fit. Who knows, if he's that good he could end up representing GB when they finally allow climbing into the Olympics!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww - I would be so proud. Unfortunately I don't think he has the concentration, but I think a climbing centre is a very good idea.

      Delete
  6. Oh my, I've never had a climber...touch wood! I love your rules though and will bear them in mind if any of mine dare to climb. If Gary needs any lessons, however, he could come and learn off my two :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Argh that might have posted before I got to finish. My first climber scaled a full size jcb at the age of almost 3. I nearly had a heart attack seeing him sat on the roof of it laughing his bloody head off, Now I have 2 of them and they work together to cause havoc, climb furniture, escape and steal food.

      Delete
    2. Gary is a useless climber!!

      Kiran I would be terrified seeing them on a JCB!! How do you even get them down!? I am really lucky that I haven't had a pair of them together - I do not envy you that at all!

      Delete
  7. That did make me chuckle, I've found my cat on top of the freezer but thankfully not L, he's not much of a climber and after reading this I'm grateful! How did you keep a straight face when you were called into the school?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't, I barely even tried. I managed to be straight-faced when looking at my son, but I laughed looking at the teacher :D

      Delete

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I read every one and try my best to reply!