Sunday 23 April 2017

The Non-Wedding Anniversary...

In a couple of weeks I'll have been with my partner for 11 years. It's a long time but there'll be no celebrations, meals out or cards. It's most likely he won't even know the date is in any way significant.

We aren't married. In fact I've never been married. I was with my older children's Dad for 15 years, but we didn't marry either. When I was young and politically strident I wasn't going to be owned by a man, now I'm older I know that isn't really the case. I'm paid to publish posts such as this one and write about all kinds of daft stuff, but we have a big family, so it's lack of money and general logistics which prevent me now.

So no anniversary. You get a proper gift for your wedding anniversary, you don't get a gift for simply dating someone for 11 years, although 11 years is steel or Turquoise apparently. No-one says 'congratulations', but believe me when I say we have truly earned it over the last 4 years.

I refuse to remind my other half of our unofficial and 'not really an actual thing' anniversary, because it isn't really an anniversary. It's a made up thing that I decided and only I know about. I shall tell him afterwards, casually in passing, and he'll give me a hug and say "We do okay".
Truth is that we do 'do okay', pretty well in fact (all things considered). Maybe one day we will get married, perhaps when our older kids are financially independent and have their own place, so they can babysit their little brothers for a couple of weeks...well, there's no better excuse for that holiday I've always fancied.

I think also I'd feel a bit weird becoming a 'Mrs'. I've been unwed for my entire life and someone's partner for almost 30 years of it. I think every young girl imagines her fairytale day and has an image of how she'll look (I was totally going to wear the Ladybird Cinderella's blue ballgown), but when I imagine any wedding now, I see it being one of our 6 gorgeous children up there front and centre in an amazing outfit. I kind of feel like it's their turn and do you know what, I am happy with that.

I do feel a little tiny pang at this point in the year though. So I shall do what I do every year and on the day I'll make a nice cake. I'll know why we're eating it, and this year, so will you...

(It probably won't be on a Star Wars plate, but it's late and this slice of LEGO Benny cake was the only cake photo I could find right now).


  1. I don't think it makes a difference being married, it is nice to have a day to celebrate being together and it sounds like you did that in your way. Happy non anniversary x

    1. Thanks Susan :D We do. Very quietly.

    2. In a time where di***ce is all too easy, getting married maybe doesn't mean as mush as it once did. The important thing is love, dedication, trust, friendship and just being there for each other during the good and, unfortunately, the bad times. These qualities you have shown not just to each other and the children butto all of us. xxxx

    3. You are so sweet, thank you :) And I can't really disagree! :D


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